LOL is NOT an appropriate response

Is it just me or is LOL the most annoying response you can possibly receive when you go to all the effort of typing out a long, funny joke with all the appropriate punctuation? Or when you are genuinely trying to complain about something, and the other person is typing….typing…..typing….and finally you are gifted with LOL.

LOL may sound better than YMMS or TMMS (You/That Made Me Smile), but honestly, those are much better expressions. I for one rarely laugh out loud at something I read, and I have made it a point to try not to reply with a meaningless pacification for the writer’s ego. So instead of mindlessly LOLing, why not find a way of replying to something funny, like with YMMS or TMMS or if you are feeling adventurous, maybe even a “you are so funny”! If it isn’t asking too much.

Just to ensure that my English Nazi (that phrase made me smile while I was typing) side is balanced with some actual humour, I thought I would share some stuff that I wrote. Try and figure out why I would be so jobless, for lack of a better term. Use your imagination and go crazy with it, even though my reason was quite practical, why not have some fun with it?

Here it is, and theft of intellectual property is mean (and frowned upon everywhere), so keep that in mind.

Dear Guruji,

I am a 19-year old and I have started hearing Happy by Pharrell Williams every time I go to the bathroom. And then I feel really confused and don’t remember why I went to the restroom in the first place. What can I do to stop hearing the song? What medicine would you prescribe?

  -Confused

Dear Confused,

You need to drink four glasses of water every hour. Your problems will completely disappear. I guarantee it.

Dear Guruji,

I am an engineer, and with my extensive knowledge, I am quite sure that red lights at traffic signals are the way aliens are trying to contact me. I know they see me look at the lights, but I don’t know how to speak to them. Please tell me what I should do? Do you know what language they speak? I really want them to know I am open to interplanetary travel.

-Welcoming of Visitors

Dear Welcoming,

To communicate with inhabitants of other planets, I recommend making friends with those on this one. I am not an expert in such matters, but you can probably use Google to find some people who speak the language of the Visitors and can teach you.

Dear Guruji,

I have been experiencing a lot of back pain for the past few months, ever since I got this new bed at the magic store called the “Bed of spikes 2.0”. Do  you know what I can do to alleviate the pain?

-Sufferer

Dear Sufferer,

It might be advisable that you cover your bed with marshmallows, just to make sure that your pain has nothing to do with your bed. It is well known that bad posture can cause back problems, don’t blame your environment. Sit up straight.

Dear Guruji,

Last week I was hit by a bus and now no one talks to me and my family spends a lot of time crying. I tried to write them a letter but when they got it they looked at the envelope and cried some more. They also got angry, complained about the insensitivity of people, and then my brother burned the letter. Can you tell me why they are ignoring me? What did I do wrong?

-Nobody’s listening

Dear Nobody,

I strongly advise that you rattle chains, bang doors shut, throw things (especially breakable objects), and turn the air conditioner temperature lower, your family will definitely notice your presence and welcome you back with some ceremony or the other. Do not worry if they seem very frightened, people are often afraid of the good things that happen in life.

Well, did you LOL, or just smile, or am I not in the least bit funny? I guess I might have to reevaluate my position if many people actually laugh out loud. But that is something for another rare free hour.

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