Nervousness and anticipation. I can’t go to sleep. My mind is doing that thing where I lie down and it starts pushing all these terrifying and edifying thoughts into my consciousness. I can’t ignore the plans and lists it wants to make, of what I accomplished and didn’t, the constant snippy little to-do lists it makes without my consent. Once it leads me down the path, there is no turning back. I cannot stop the activity that has to kick in when I am tired, but too aware of what is going to happen the next day.
Is it just nervousness, that annoying feeling that makes me feel a little nauseas, and a lot like the world might end if I don’t get something right? Is it only because I am afraid of what is to come?
No. I see the opportunity to excel, I see a chance for me to do something new, I see the possibility of my winning. I feel anticipation. But my nervousness doesn’t leave me alone. They take turns, alternately imbuing me with confidence and fear. My mental activity must be paused so I can get a little rest. It has been an hour since my head began its journey on my pillow.
So I plug in my earphones and fall asleep to the songs I love, drowning out my thoughts.